Saturday, 14 March 2009

Home sweet home.... for better or worse!

Oh boy, is dear ole hubby regretting it and thinking it's for the worse.... Can't even get him on the old wedding vows clause, cos our registry office version didn't make those promises!!!

Firstly, the boring medical details...They didn't find the cause of pain, but consultant suggests I just go home, take it easy, and we'll consider the next step when surgery and wound are completely recovered.

So meanwhile, still have district nurse coming in daily to inject me with an anti coagulant.
"Got to do it into a fatty bit..." she declares brightly, brandishing a wicked looking needle. Well, I offered up the acreage of the post baby tummy (well, post as in 13 and 15 years ago, but the effects are still there!) and she swoops in with glee.... Ooooh, and don't you believe her with that "sharp scratch" nonsense... It b****y well hurts, and is bruised the next day too! And the next day after she does it again, and the next, and the next....It's Groundhog day all over again (Imbolc for us lot, but doesn't quite convey the recurrent monotony!!).

Back to poor hubby. As I have to walk with two sticks, and am not allowed to bend, lift, twist etc, pretty much any useful activity apart from navel contemplation is out of the question......
First of all, there's the actual getting out of bed bit..... did anyone see the news some time ago when there was that beached whale they were trying to get back to sea..... well it's a twice daily routine here in Reading! Now, it gets even more interesting if I decide I need a shower.....Hubby trails after me carrying bath robe, sets up the bathroom with my oils and ungents within reach, then installs the bath board. This is a nifty bit of kit that lies across the bath, so that the showeree can slide on, then remain seated whilst being showered. Fabulous idea... in theory!!!!
Once dear hubby has set it up, shower is turned on to get temperature up...Husband becomes drenched, because bath board stops shower door from shutting. Quickly decide we will take shower head out of holder and lay it in the bath whilst water is warming up, I prepare to get into position. Now I had practised this delicate manoeuvre in hospital. You sit at right angles to the bath, slide yourself back until you have your back to the wall, then walk/swing your legs around until you are sitting facing the shower and tap end of the bath. I had been really good at it with the occupational therapist. But it was a bit different in reality. Previously I had slid effortlessly along and to the back of the bath board, helped no doubt by the trousers I was wearing....naked on a dry bath board (it was the only thing in the bathroom that HADN'T got soaked!) it was a totally different matter. Buttocks sticking to the board in a most unglamorous squeaking motion, not gently gliding as I had fondly imagined, the whole operation (wince) was farcical. Unfortunately for poor husband, he happened to snigger at the spectacle just at the moment I got the shower head in my hand...... did I mention he somehow got incredibly wet again..?
After completing my ablutions (Doesn't that word sound like it should be a fat cartoon character?) and getting dressed with the aid of my "helping hand" (Oh the joy of getting knickers on with this implement, has to be seen to be believed. I'm negotiating a film deal as we speak!!)....I am ready to go downstairs.
Once installed in the living what do I do..... bearing in mind I move in a lumbering fashion with a stick in each hand, rendering performing most activities impossible without help. Even the relatively simple...I mean I could make myself a cup of coffee, but then couldn't carry it into the living room to drink..... "Paul....can you just...." or dropping my book or magazine ..."Paul....can you just...." then there's lifting laptop onto lap ..."Paul....can you just...." ooh, let's watch a bit of TV ..."Paul....can you just...."
So, here I am, in front of the laptop, doing the only thing I can manage without a pathetic pleading "err, could I just have a little help to....".... So I do apologise to you all, as now you're bearing the brunt of it!!!


Suzi_Spirit Whispers said...

Awww, honey ((((hugs)))).... you've the brilliantest(!) style of telling it. I know how c**p it all is but giggled all the way through- the film deal can't be far off!

Sue 'Poppie' Simpson said...

Oh Welsh Witch, you poor thing. Sending you warmest hugs for a speedy recovery. Very frustrating I know, but hang on in there.
Welsome to blogland and keep on smiling (even through gritted teeth - lol(.
Look forward to reading more of your posts.
Brightest blessings,
Pixie Sue xxx
PD Came from Sue;s Blog
Warning - Blogging can seriously damage your mental health! lol

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