Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Can you believe they chucked me out after 5 days..???

Well..... they did!!!
There I was, coming round from surgery on Thursday night.... oh help, I can't feel my legs, what have they done...My legs, oh no!!!! My legs....Are they still there????
I want to look under the sheet to check both are present and correct, but can't lift itup as I have a drip in one arm and blood going into the other....
Nurse....What's happened to my legs.... ? ....oh, it's an epidural, Aaaaah. okay.


Wake up in Recovery the following morning..... repeat the previous routine, as I'd forgotten all about going through it last night..... and it's also at this point they inform me they didn't take the joint out or find an infection, oh, and by the way you went into anaphylactic shock on the operating table.......

Consultant comes around, repeat the above.....

Finally get back to the ward.... only they've moved me. I am now in a different bay on a different ward...All of my stuff lovingly unpacked by hubby is still waiting forlornly in the locker in the bone infection unit, but I have been cast out from there now.

Nurse comes along... "Good Morning, shall we get our own nightie on instead of this gown then?"
"Dunno about you, but I'd like mine please... it's still on the other ward...."
"Oh, I'll get your stuff brought down...."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Lunch comes and goes.
"You still not washed and in your own nightie dear? Surely you want to freshen up a bit?"
"Yes PLEASE!!! Could I have my book to read too..?"
"Mmmmm... well I don't know, you might knock your drips out of both hands... just sit still for a minute. I'll get your stuff brought down and help you wash..."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Now, as the day moves on, I am getting really narked.... I'm hurting and sore, still in the blooming hospital gown, and haven't cleaned my teeth for a decade or two. Not to mention BORED. I had carefully thought of things to bring in to do, but wasn't taking into account the NHS hiding it all from me!!!!
Afternoon tea is served. Nurse comes round to tell me she's changing shifts..
"You decided you didn't fancy getting your own clothes on after all then? Ah well, see you tomorrow..."

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Welsh Witch Disrupts the Ward!!!

Well, by the time this appears, I'll have just done it all again, driven the medical profession up the wall!!

Thing is, I'm not a terribly patient patient. In fact, I'm not a terribly patient anything. So to be confined to a narrow hospital bed for 3 whole weeks is going to leave me a demented quivering wreck!

As a veteran of 7 hip ops, I always try to take lots of things to do.... I have tried cross stitch and card making.... oh but just how many times can you ring the "Call nurse" button cos you've dropped your scissors or can't thread your needle. Not a popular move, believe me!

Then I tried puzzles and crosswords... now we all know that pens and pencils escape to a magical country down the back of the sofa...... well, I'll let you into a secret, there is also a magical land in a hospital bed! Pencils (particularly those with a nicely sharpened point) have a natural ability to turn themselves invisible just as you need to write in an answer. They are able to levitate and transport themselves into another dimension when you are searching frantically through the sheets and pillows to find them. You finally hurl your puzzle book down in defeat (you've forgotten the answer already anyway) so decide to catch up on your missing sleep... (Why do they always wake you with such urgency at 6 am in hospital?? I mean, who has an overwhelming need to be up at this hour, when you spend all day in bed anyway??)...
No sooner have you snuggled down, when ...
"OUCH!, what the ***insert expletive as required*** was that??"
Yup... you've finally got the point... inserted into a particularly delicate part of your anatomy, usually the one that's just been cut out and stitched up!! You clutch at or shake the appropriate body part in an attempt to remove the embedded pencil without bloodshed, and decide to read a book instead....

Last time I was only in for 2 weeks, and I drove the nurses mad... I got a collection of the cardboard vomit bowls (unused, I hasten to add!!) and begged multi coloured markers that the nurses used to write on the noticeboards, negotiated my chocolate biscuits in return for micro pore tape and scissors from the Vampires (the ones who come round to take your blood... they have to fill in all the punctures they make with cotton wool and micro pore!), then I spent hours decorating the bowls for use by my fellow patients as fruit bowls. They looked so delightful filled with grapes and apples... honest! When everyone in the ward was in posession of a genuine Witchy original fruit bowl, I branched out and extended my repertoire to include portable shower vanity cases. It's tricky to keep your soap and toothpaste etc together when you trek to the bathroom, so what could be handier than a nifty container to keep them all in? (Have I not heard of toilet bags?? No, what are they then....?) Had to use the bed pan liners for making those (bigger you see). Have to point out at this stage that they weren't THAT waterproof in the wet room, as we discovered...So let that be a warning to you should you need a bedpan....

Within a week an assortment of Blue Peter type mobiles were hanging form every bed ..... The spiders made from the cardboard pill pots and straws were particularly popular. The nurses however weren't keen on giving me the straws, as they didn't have many, and kept them for patients who needed them in their beakers to drink. Hence the abundance of 4 legged spiders....

All the staff guessed what day job I do very early on!!!!!! They were , I'm sure, quite relieved to see the back of me tho!!!! Do you think I should warn them about tomorrow?????
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